15 weeks, 10 weeks of being mostly incapacitated. How much more can one person endure? I am jealous of all those moms-to-be who are actually enjoying this part of pregnancy. Why can't I be one of them? When people are so excited for me, and the most I can do is force a smile and pretend I'm not feeling absolutely miserable. I feel like a bad mom already. People keep telling me to hang in there, it'll get better...and I'm trying to keep the doubts out of my mind...but it's hard to see the light (it's more of a pin-hole) at the end of the tunnel. And I keep praying...but not much has changed. I hate being undependable. I hate having to bail out on get-togethers.
Chris' mom and dad were here this weekend, which was so great. I just wish I'd felt better and been more social. We did get to go to the Grand Ole' Opry, which was really fun. It took my mind off the nausea, just for a bit. I miss them already and am looking forward to seeing my mom in a few weeks. :-)
4.14.2009
when can i de-board this train?
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You have every right to feel they way you do. First and far most, you are an excellent mom. You are going through so much to make sure you're providing the best environment possible for your little bean. Every pregnancy is different, and I know it seems like some woman love it, but I know they even have some difficulties. My morning sickness stopped at 18 weeks, and then I got so swollen after 34 weeks, that I begged my doctor to induce, which he did at 39 weeks. Huge mistake, because of course I ended up in c-section. Just listen to your body, and when you are feeling good eat and drink what you want. There will be a point, I promise, that you will love and enjoy being pregnant. Just keep focusing on each exciting moment during your pregnancy, leading up to labor and delivery. So, maybe focus on your big ultrasound, followed by the baby showers, setting up the nursery, buying lots of cute clothes, feeling movement, and then focus on being able to hold your precious bundle of joy for the first time. Pregnancy is filled with baby steps, and with those steps come lots of ups and downs. You are so strong, and I know you will overcome this obstacle. May the good Lord continue to bless you and Baby Lawson.
ReplyDeleteoh honey. this reminds me so much of my pregnancy. it tears me up to see someone else enduring those same hardships. you're a better person than i was, because when someone asked me if i was excited, i just stared at them blankly. or gave them a very flat, "no." but even in the short time i've known you, i've loved and respected you soo much. and hearing of that you're enduring moreso assures me that you're a beautifully strong person. god is shaping you. when i see you next, i will have a very good hug ready for you. hopefully it'll help for at least a couple hours. :) oh, and my baby fixes everything. so pretty much you just need to see him.
ReplyDeleteoh, and i just fed him organic until i had about 10 or 15 jars. :P but i would love to pass those onto you if you're going to home-make. he's pretty close to being done with purees.
ReplyDeleteBeck, I agree with what both these girls said. I hate when people compare pregnancies and give false hope. But the light IS in the end of the tunnel, and you're almost half way done! Can you believe it?? I know how you feel about feeling like a bad mom- especially this time around, I feel like I've been so extremely lazy with Savannah... But you can't focus on that. You are already an awesome mom. It's so hard to feel excited right now -especially since you can't even feel movement yet. It's so crummy. I'll keep praying for you, girl!
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