stuck in that miry clay

How I long to sing a new song. The past month I've spent with Joey in the valley, living a nightmare of IV's, injections and unknowns.  Just one month ago Johanna was admitted to Children's hospital-diagnosed with a rare condition called Neutropenia.  Never in my life have I imagined my baby, my only child being poked and prodded, over and over. Seeing her so weak and vulnerable was one of the hardest times of my life. Knowing there was nothing I could do to ease the pain was excruciating.  A video I saw today reminded me how thankful I am Johanna was not diagnosed with cancer. However, there are still so many "how's" and "why's".  Every time I have to give her an injection I cringe. I would take 100 shots if I could spare her one. How it seems sometimes I am stuck in that miry clay-quicksand pulling me down.  If it weren't for God throwing me that rope, I would've sunk long ago.

first birthday

Well, it's my little sweetie's first birthday, and I can't help but remember the anticipation, joy, and overwhelming love I experienced just one year ago today.  My entire life changed the day Johanna was born.  This year has been full of ups and downs, but through it all I've been made stronger.  Having Johanna gave me confidence in myself that I never had before. It gave me a sense of greater purpose.   Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but is also incredibly rewarding. I treasure the cuddles, smiles and kisses. I love her giggles, they are sweet music to my ears.

Her first birthday party is on Sunday afternoon! We'll have TONS of family and friends to celebrate with!

Here are some pictures of her first day with us-pictures of the zoo to come!

almost 1 year...how my life has changed

September 5, 2010

I simply cannot believe that in just 2 short weeks, my sweet baby will be one.  A flood of emotions comes each time I think about September 24th last year, when my life changed in EVERY possible way.  It's amazing to think about the transformation I have gone through, the ups and downs of motherhood, and the day to day changes that have taken place caring for this daughter that has been entrusted to me.  The day I gave birth is one I will never forget.  While I know each mother goes through labor and birthing in a different manner, I can only describe mine as an incredible experience. It's made me want to help and encourage other mom's, and mommies-to-be who desire to have a comfortable birth without interventions so often offered and performed.  I guess God used my daughter's birth to instill confidence in Him and myself that I never had, and never thought possible.  He taught me to trust in Him for everything.  Every trial we've come against so far, has given me reason to seek Him.  I am so thankful for that opportunity, and the privilege of raising Johanna Mae.  I hope I never forget that moment, or these moments.

Birth Day, September 24, 2009

The Sears Family

I'd like to take the opportunity to thank the Sears' for their dedication to parenting and pediatrics! I also want to encourage all of my mom, and mom-to-be friends to get to know the philosophies presented by William, Martha, Jim, and Robert Sears! Each of their books has given me a world of valuable information and I truly feel that they are shaping the medical field as we know it! Visit http://www.askdrsears.com for the latest information on parenting, child-rearing, pediatric questions and more!

cherishing moments

This past weekend I heard of a local family who has a daughter just one day older than Johanna who has been diagnosed with SMA type 1. I'd never heard of this genetic disorder, nor known anyone with an affected child. It struck home, knowing that this sweet, precious girl is exactly the same age as mine, yet will not survive much longer. My heart breaks for her parents, relatives, and friends. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain this diagnosis and disease has brought them. I know in my heart that God is good, and faithful, and has a plan, but how hard it must be to hold onto hope when faced with losing your precious child. Each time I think of it, I cry. These parents have more courage than I've ever had to have and hearing their story inspires me to just live each moment in joy with my daughter.

cloth swim diapers: yes, please!

Upon researching "cloth diapers and swimming," I just realized there are cloth swim diapers! How have I been a cloth diaper addict and not known this?!? I am pretty much obsessed with everything cloth diaper related, yet I did not know there were swim dipes! Well, I am on a quest to find a few now, because my sweet johanna LOVES the water! After a trip to Hillcrest Country Club to swim today, I think we may be making swimming a very regular occurrence this summer! Now I know there are Bummis, Thirsties, Imse Visme, and a few other brands...but I'm going to need to do some research as to which to go with. I am a HUGE fuzzi bunz fan, but as far as I know they are not in the cloth swim diaper market. Why pay $7 for a pack of name brand swimmers, when you can spend $12 and get a reusable, eco friendly swim diaper!?

stay safe, Nebraska

Thank you, drivers in Nebraska for being on record for the lowest number of vehicular accidents since 1944 (166). There have only been 54 fatalities on Nebraska roads since January. This is good news. Also, surprising considering the winter y'all had. Good work. Let's keep it up. No one wants to get hurt.

johanna's journal

I've decided to start a journal for johanna. Wish I had started it sooner!

johannamaesjournal.blogspot.com

First topic, her first word!

mean girls, they start so young

A conversation with a cousin of Chris' (who has two daughters, 5 and 7) prompted this post. Chloe, the 7 year old is in kindergarten and is already being teased about clothes, hair, etc. I'm sure teasing has been happening for pretty much forever, but now that I have a daughter I am super sensitive to the thought that in just a few short years, girls could be bullying her. So how does one keep their child from being bullied (or becoming a bully?) I'm sure most involved parents would shudder to think their sweet innocent kindergardener could be the one tormenting his or her friends. I think a lot of it is in the attitude of the parents. Just the thought of sweet Chloe getting made fun of took me back to elementary school and the countless times I cried over not getting invited to a slumber party or birthday bash. A lesson learned in my Mom 2 Mom group this year is really resonating with me "remind your kids whose they are and whom they belong to." I think it is so important to instill self-confidence from a Godly perspective at a very young age. If I can teach Johanna to love herself because she is loved, perhaps I can at least protect her from the bullies that may await. It's also important as a mother, to speak kindly of others, building up instead of knocking down friends or family members. I know you can't protect your children from everything-but mean girls get their start so young (think toddlers and tiaras.) However, it's encouraging to know that you can start to build good character traits and self-esteem at any time! I hope I can be that kind of Mom.

a much needed update

How sad I am that my blogging has been reduced to not even monthly! That is no way to gain or keep readers-and I know I do have a few VIP reading my blog :-) So please, from the bottom of my heart, accept my thousandth apology for not being consistent with blogging. How the few months have flown by! Johanna Mae will be 4 months on Sunday, January 24th. I can't believe it. Every day she grows and does something to surprise me. The other day our cat Ami decided to tight-rope walk across her crib railing, and she giggled at him! It was so cute! (She, of course, was NOT in the crib at the time!) I keep the kitties out when she's in there, but we were just finishing a feeding sitting in the rocker.
We spent almost a month in Nebraska for Christmas and miss family TERRIBLY now that we're back in Nashville. We are praying that someday God will lead us back there to raise our family- I personally never knew I would feel this way so soon, but I am missing it.
Johanna's colic is significantly better, though now we have trouble getting her to sleep at night! She will sleep one 5, or occasionally 6 or 7, hour stretch at night, but it takes almost an hour and a half for her to settle in. I feel bad because for that first hour or so, she wakes every 20 minutes crying. We've tried everything but usually resort to giving her her pacifier over and over and over until she FINALLY gives in and sleeps. Ahh, I hate that.
Yesterday, she rolled over from her stomach to her back and it seemed like she actually "figured out" how to do it. She could do it before, but I could kinda see the little "I get it" light bulb appear. It was cool, and she did it to both sides! I am envisioning a day in the near future where she army crawls- wow what a change that will be!
We had a few friends come and help us repaint our kitchen last weekend in preparation (over the next few months) of putting our house on the market. We want to become renters again until we know where we want to be-and if its in the Nashville area, we'd love to be closer to church. Johanna and I try to go to Mom to Mom every Tuesday, but church is 45 minutes away and sometimes it just doesn't work.
I've learned so much being a new mom.

Here is this month's list of things I've found both difficult and joyful in no particular order:
I am ALWAYS tired. Usually I get no more than 2 or 3 uninterrupted hours of sleep at a time
I LIVE for the times Johanna giggles at me
I LOVE to read books to her, and especially when she "reads to me" while I am reading
The dog really does drive me crazy at times like everyone said
This house is NOT conducive to our lifestyle right now
The laundry is NEVER done
Things are NEVER put away
Dinner is rarely planned and it's difficult to grocery shop
Breastfeeding is the most rewarding and hardest thing at the same time
I cannot let my baby CIO
I also do not have the capacity to be everything to my baby
My husband is an AMAZING daddy
I LOVE cloth diapering
And most importantly...
GOD hears me when I call

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the past 2 months...and I am going to try so much harder to post frequently! I have to chronicle this crazy life!